my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
