phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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