I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
