Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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