i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
