Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She's the barista slut.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
