Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
