You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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