she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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