??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
sex in a hospital.. check
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
