I cockslap morals
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
