Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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