gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
