so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
