Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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