My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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