why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
