My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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