you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
