You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
