just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
