There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
