I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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