apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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