This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
