You can't special order awesome
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
