I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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