You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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