the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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