My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
