I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
