it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
