I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
