so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
