I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
