do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
