She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
