as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
