after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
