I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
