fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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