So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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