This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
