She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
