do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
