im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
two words: eviction party
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
