I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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