I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
