You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
