Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I looked at my own cervix.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
